Figuring it Out

These past few days have been some of the best days of my life. I just posted last week about how I’m so hard on myself and just have no idea who I am. I felt like because I don’t have a 4.0 or don’t run marathons, or build houses in 3rd world countries, or publish research, or preform, or whatever, that there’s nothing to me. But I’m slowly figuring out that I don’t need to excel at something extraordinary all the time; just being me is more than enough.ย 

I’ve been spending a lot of time with my friends recently and it’s been amazing. For the first time I’m realizing how special the bonds I’ve made here are and how much I am genuinely going to miss the girls I’ve grown so close to in my sorority. It finally dawned on me that people do love and accept me the way that I am, and that people do look up to me. I might not have it all together and I do have my days, weeks, months, that things seem like they’re going anywhere but in the direction I want them to go, but thats okay. I need to stop waiting to live my life until everything is figured out, and I need to start enjoying the journey.

Tonight was “Senior Wills” for the Sorority, where the seniors go up and “will” things away to the chapter and reminisce about their time as a sister. I was scared about writing mine because I didn’t know what to say, but I went up and said what was in my heart and got really emotional in the process. It was by looking back at all the fun times that I did have throughout the years and the amazing friendships that I’ve made along with all the love and support that my sisters have given me through my hardest times here, that made me realize how lucky I am. People see in me what I don’t yet see in myself, but I am starting to. I bawled my eyes out saying goodbye to my best friends and afterward I had so many people, some that I’m not even very close to, approach me and tell me how much I touched them. The whole room was crying when I spoke, it was crazy.

Of course my two Littles warmed my heart by surprising me with a present and lots of hugs, I love them so much and they really have helped make my experience what it is. But there was one girl who really touched me tonight and sort of inspired this revelation. I know that she has not been very happy at school but AOII has really changed a lot for her. I could still see that she wasn’t giving it a complete chance though and was still holding back, just like I did. Tonight I willed her “The ability to give it another chance even though you haven’t loved it so far. Looking back on my 4 years, I regret being so stubborn because if I had just allowed myself to start fresh I think things would have been a lot better. Don’t be scared to let yourself be happy here.”

Then, later tonight I got a very thoughtful message from her, and at the end it said: “you are one of the people that helped make this past semester actually fun and worthwhile here, and made me reexamine things. One of the reason i joined aoii was to get to know you better and that was probably the best choice i’ve made in a long time so i just wanted to say thanks and that believe it or not but what you said (along with a couple of the other seniors) ALMOST brought me to tears which is saying a lot for me. Have a great last few weeks here, and I just wanted to let you know that you are a great person and have impacted way more people than you may think.”ย 

It made me so happy to read this and it made me cry. It makes me realize that I am important and special and I am worth knowing. People will remember me andย miss me. It’s not my weight or my clothes or how fast I can run a mile that people care about–it’s my compassion, and my humor, and my honesty that is actually making a difference in peoples lives. Knowing that I actually did something to help someone live a better life is just so incredible and meaningful to me. I’m just so happy and at peace right now. I’m really starting to believe that everything happens for a reason and all the troubles I’ve had to deal with have made me a stronger person today.


16 Responses to “Figuring it Out”

  1. 1 verbalriot Wednesday, April 29, 2009 at 11:48 pm

    ๐Ÿ™‚ I love this post. I am so glad you feel appreciated, respected and loved! That’s what it’s all about!

  2. 2 FoodsThatFit Wednesday, April 29, 2009 at 11:59 pm

    This is my favorite part of your post:

    “It makes me realize that I am important and special and I am worth knowing. People will remember me and miss me. Itโ€™s not my weight or my clothes or how fast I can run a mile that people care aboutโ€“itโ€™s my compassion, and my humor, and my honesty that is actually making a difference in peoples lives.”

    This is something I needed to hear. ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. 3 lilveggiepatch Thursday, April 30, 2009 at 12:21 am

    I love this post… especially the part about letting yourself be happy. I also wish I’d done that, but you live and you learn, right? And, even if it’s a little late, you (we) DID make some really special friendships and have some fun… and that’s the most important part.

  4. 4 landoffruitsandnuts Thursday, April 30, 2009 at 1:40 am

    This is a great post- and so true. I feel you are worth knowing and a good friend and I don’t even know you in person! You have definitely helped me even with a few e-mails and a package, so I can’t imagine what a great impact you must have on all those around you. It’s so true that life’s not about your jean size or how fast/much you can run. I try to remind myself of that at times when I’m like, life is too short to not have that cookie & enjoy it. You’re also a great writer, by the way ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. 5 Courtney (The Hungry Yogini) Thursday, April 30, 2009 at 6:32 am

    Aww what a special night! ANd wow, did I need to hear that. I’m one of those that is scared to be happy where i am..I don’t give the sorority a chance. Now I know I need to.

    Glad you had such a special time!

  6. 6 carolinebee Thursday, April 30, 2009 at 8:41 am

    that is really amazing Sarah ๐Ÿ™‚ I’ve experienced so much pain in my life too, and you’re so right- it all happens for a reason, and you have really made a significant difference in all of those girls’ lives, not to mention the tons of readers that i’m sure share your exact feelings and relate. I always appreciate that you write about how you feel, and don’t sugarcoat it or sound happy EVERY day….keepin’ it reall ๐Ÿ˜€ xoxo

  7. 7 ksgoodeats Thursday, April 30, 2009 at 9:02 am

    What a beautiful post, Sarah! Always remember that someone really does look up to you and someone will always have your back. There are people who love you just as you are! I’m glad you had such a great night, cherish every day ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. 8 Bec Thursday, April 30, 2009 at 9:08 am

    aw this post put a huge smile on my face!

  9. 9 glidingcalm Thursday, April 30, 2009 at 11:46 am

    love this post! wish I could have heard you speak! I bet id be tearing too!

  10. 10 Hangry Pants Thursday, April 30, 2009 at 4:27 pm

    It is definitely not about how fast you run or how much you weigh! Sounds like you’ve been having some awesome realizations!!!!

  11. 11 Andrea Thursday, April 30, 2009 at 5:27 pm

    I love everything about this post!

  12. 12 homegirlcaneat Thursday, April 30, 2009 at 8:58 pm

    Hi hi! I have been a reader for so long but have never commented (because I just started blogging yesterday!) but wanted to say hello and how much I enjoy your blog. All your eats and stuff like this post are so inspirational and nice to read. Have a good rest of the day! xoxo Brooke

  13. 13 Jenn (eating bender) Thursday, April 30, 2009 at 9:45 pm

    Sarah, you made ME cry! This post was absolutely beautiful – in fact, I’m going to print out your last paragraph and post it on my wall. I’m not kidding.

    You are such a beautiful person, inside and out. I feel so lucky to know you and fortunate that even though we have never met in real life, I am able to call you a close friend. Thank you for bringing so much to my life. I want you to know that you have made me a stronger person.

  14. 14 Jessica (jesslikesithot) Friday, May 1, 2009 at 3:05 am

    I am so happy to hear all this Sarah!! I’m so glad that you are finally realizing how great you are!! Stick with this positivity and enjoy the last few days (or are ya all done!?!) of your college experience!!


  15. 15 Melissa S. Friday, May 1, 2009 at 4:21 pm

    this is such a great post sarah. you are such a special young woman and anyone who gets to know you should take it as a privledge! you make so much more of an impact that you think and make such a difference in our lives too. ๐Ÿ™‚ i know i’m super glad i’ve gotten to know you!!!

  16. 16 Danielle Cotter Saturday, May 2, 2009 at 8:57 pm

    i just reread this post…so much for being the library and studying, haha. you are the greatest ever and this made me tear up. i am glad you are starting to realize how special you are ๐Ÿ™‚

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