Archive for April, 2009

Figuring it Out

These past few days have been some of the best days of my life. I just posted last week about how I’m so hard on myself and just have no idea who I am. I felt like because I don’t have a 4.0 or don’t run marathons, or build houses in 3rd world countries, or publish research, or preform, or whatever, that there’s nothing to me. But I’m slowly figuring out that I don’t need to excel at something extraordinary all the time; just being me is more than enough. 

I’ve been spending a lot of time with my friends recently and it’s been amazing. For the first time I’m realizing how special the bonds I’ve made here are and how much I am genuinely going to miss the girls I’ve grown so close to in my sorority. It finally dawned on me that people do love and accept me the way that I am, and that people do look up to me. I might not have it all together and I do have my days, weeks, months, that things seem like they’re going anywhere but in the direction I want them to go, but thats okay. I need to stop waiting to live my life until everything is figured out, and I need to start enjoying the journey.

Tonight was “Senior Wills” for the Sorority, where the seniors go up and “will” things away to the chapter and reminisce about their time as a sister. I was scared about writing mine because I didn’t know what to say, but I went up and said what was in my heart and got really emotional in the process. It was by looking back at all the fun times that I did have throughout the years and the amazing friendships that I’ve made along with all the love and support that my sisters have given me through my hardest times here, that made me realize how lucky I am. People see in me what I don’t yet see in myself, but I am starting to. I bawled my eyes out saying goodbye to my best friends and afterward I had so many people, some that I’m not even very close to, approach me and tell me how much I touched them. The whole room was crying when I spoke, it was crazy.

Of course my two Littles warmed my heart by surprising me with a present and lots of hugs, I love them so much and they really have helped make my experience what it is. But there was one girl who really touched me tonight and sort of inspired this revelation. I know that she has not been very happy at school but AOII has really changed a lot for her. I could still see that she wasn’t giving it a complete chance though and was still holding back, just like I did. Tonight I willed her “The ability to give it another chance even though you haven’t loved it so far. Looking back on my 4 years, I regret being so stubborn because if I had just allowed myself to start fresh I think things would have been a lot better. Don’t be scared to let yourself be happy here.”

Then, later tonight I got a very thoughtful message from her, and at the end it said: “you are one of the people that helped make this past semester actually fun and worthwhile here, and made me reexamine things. One of the reason i joined aoii was to get to know you better and that was probably the best choice i’ve made in a long time so i just wanted to say thanks and that believe it or not but what you said (along with a couple of the other seniors) ALMOST brought me to tears which is saying a lot for me. Have a great last few weeks here, and I just wanted to let you know that you are a great person and have impacted way more people than you may think.” 

It made me so happy to read this and it made me cry. It makes me realize that I am important and special and I am worth knowing. People will remember me and miss me. It’s not my weight or my clothes or how fast I can run a mile that people care about–it’s my compassion, and my humor, and my honesty that is actually making a difference in peoples lives. Knowing that I actually did something to help someone live a better life is just so incredible and meaningful to me. I’m just so happy and at peace right now. I’m really starting to believe that everything happens for a reason and all the troubles I’ve had to deal with have made me a stronger person today.


‘Me Day’

Yesterday was a really nice day, all about me. I took the day off of hard-core work and studying to take some time to unwind from the stress of last week and get a little relaxation and peace in. It was lovely.


I guess my parents could tell how down in the dumps I’ve been recently so yesterday I was surprised with the prettiest bouquet of flowers. It seriously made my day–how sweet are my parents!


This morning I had a bowl of yogurt, cereal, and pear along with the sun and my gorgeous flowers! Then it was out the door for a review session followed by my day of ME!




It was HOT out today but there was a nice breeze and the sun was shining so I took advantage of the weather because with my luck it will start snowing again tomorrow! I walked into Harvard Square (about 3 miles each way) and used that as my exercise for the day. I bought 2 cute dresses (including my graduation dress!) from Urban Outfitters. Yay! 

I got really hungry from walking and shopping so I stopped into Au Bon Pain for a salad. I can’t remember what this was called but it had: lettuce, tomato, grapes, cranberries, asiago cheese, and the best croutons ever. I had it with balsamic vinaigrette and it was the perfect light meal for such a hot day.



I did have some schoolwork to do so I popped into Starbucks for the air-conditioning and an ice coffee while I did some reading for a few hours. I also had the WCMN Luna that I packed. Divine.


Then I had an appointment with my nutritionist which went really well and I’m feeling better about getting back on track and things feel a little less out of control. 

When I got home I was so hot and my room was literally 94* in my room, I was dying! I chugged a bunch of water and then ate some fruit: apple and orange to hold me over to a late dinner at 8.


Last night was “Roasts” for my sorority where the Little Sisters tell embarrassing stories about the Seniors and it was so much fun! My mom and dad sent my littles some really embarrassing pictures and stories from my childhood and there are some hilarious videos of my college years. My Littles put together a great roast, and while it was mortifying, it was so funny and a lot of fun. I’m going to miss them so much next year!

No Fun or Games

Tomorrow is my final exam for Game Theory, which turned out to be my most difficult class this semester. Despite its misleading name–this class is anything but a game. It’s so hard! I’ve taken much higher level econ classes in the past and gotten by without no trouble but this class has just been a killer. Ugh. At this point I don’t even care anymore and just want it to be over!


Since I knew I would be spending the majority of the day in the library I decided to head out for a run first thing this morning. We’re having some crazy weather here in Boston and today it reached 90*!! Holy cow! I did 4ish miles and was sweating buckets by the end. Before I left I had a Kashi bar for some fuel. 



The heat really got to me and even after chugging a ton of water and taking a cold shower my appetite was just not there. I knew I needed something to get my brain working so I had a creamy, cool bowl of yogurt and banana. I definitely made up for my lack of appetite throughout the day—when I run outside my metabolism goes into overdrive or something, I’ve been eating all day long!



As expected, I was in the library the whole entire day. I packed a turkey sandwich with carrots, tomatoes, and PB crackers for lunch, which I unfortunately ate while working away so I couldn’t even enjoy it.



A cara cara orange. LOVE THESE! Also when I stopped back at the house mid-day I desperately needed a pick-me-up so I had some amazing blondies that I had stuck in the freezer to prevent me from eating the entire tray at once, and a few hershey kisses. It’s just been one of those days, you know?




I had a meeting at 5 for my sorority and then I headed back to the library with a quick detour at the campus center to pick up a big salad and akmaks for dinner. I was starving and literally inhaled it! It was good.




I was sitting in a window-less section of the library with intense fluorescent lights and was intently studying, which caused me to totally lose track of time. All of a sudden a wave of tiredness hit me and I noticed it was already almost 10:00! While I still have a lot of work to do, I don’t like walking home that late at night because it’s pretty unsafe here. I basically sprinted back to my house and realized that not only was I tired, but I was hungry too!  I had a biscotti which got melty from being in my hot, hot, hot room and then I cut up a delicious apple with cinnamon and now I’m ready to get back to studying.



No matter how it goes tomorrow, come 11:45 it’ll be over and I’ll be so relieved!

Hard on Myself

This post is going to be full of the good, the bad and the ugly. I’m having a rough day/week for sure. Meh.

Last night was my induction ceremony into Sigma Iota Rho, which is the International Relations Honors Society. This is a huge accomplishment and I should be really proud of myself. For some reason though, I’m not.


Coming up on graduation I’ve been really hard on myself in terms of my academic achievements. In High School I was the best at everything. I was “the smart girl”, I was Valedictorian, I gave a speech at graduation, everyone knew who I was. But here I just feel so insignificant. Getting into this University was a big accomplishment as it is selective and prestigious. Obviously this means that all the students are highly qualified and intelligent, and I wouldn’t be the best and brightest at everything. This has definitely been hard for me. I’m not the best and I’m not the worst; and while I am definitely close to the top I just feel lost in the crowd. I feel as if nothing I did here was good enough and that I should have just put in a little more effort and worked a little harder to make a name for myself.

I’m also upset because of things that are outside my control. My university raised the Honors requirements starting with my class, meaning that if I had been in the class of 2008, I would have graduated summa cum laude but as a result of the change I am graduating magna cum laude. I know this is still something to be proud of, but I just regret not pushing myself harder and I’m disappointed in myself.

I know that this sounds absurd and I’m whining right now, but I’m just having all sorts of identity-crisis issues, which I suppose is normal with Graduation right around the corner. I just don’t know who I am or who I want to be and I’m feeling pretty lost as a result.

Today was all about putting healthy food into my body since it hasn’t been too happy with me lately. I had no appetite most of the day and forced myself to eat especially since I had a rigorous workout. I had little things here and there rather than big meals, so here’s the deal:





I’m really bummed because I know that I haven’t been treating my body right recently. It’s hard because my body and my brain just seem to be on entirely different teams right now. My body is screaming at me that when it has to stay up until 3am and wakes up at 7 to get everything done on a pretty regular basis these past few weeks that it needs more fuel and less time at the gym. My brain however, disagrees. When my eyelids are dropping and I’m about to collapse from exhaustion in the afternoon my body is begging me to allow it a nap for a few hours in exchange from its usual workout. But of course I don’t listen.  Is it really any surprise then, that when I go out with my friends to unwind and a few drinks lowers my inhibitions, that my body wants to eat everything in sight? No, it’s not a surprise at all, it’s my own fault. 

It’s hard for me to get my act together and get back on track with my healthy lifestyle without putting myself down in order to do it but I’m going to try to stay positive, forgive myself, and start treating my body right and giving it what it asks for—including some hot chocolate that I’m about to make and a very early bedtime tonight.

Catch Up

I just turned in that big paper and I feel like such a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Don’t get me wrong, I still have tons more to do before the semester is over, but at least that is out of the way. While today should be able getting started on studying for my finals instead I took it to catch up on “me-time”. I went for a long run, painted my nails, started to get my Google Reader out of the triple digits, etc.

Pre-Workout Snack

I woke up this morning with the strongest urge to run. I didn’t want to wait around to eat and digest breakfast so I had a quick clif mini and was out the door. I had to really put exercise on the back burner this past week and it felt so good to get out there and really stretch my legs. I did a strong 5ish miles and felt great the entire time.



I’m practically out of groceries again (How does that happen!! I feel like I’m always going to the store! I guess I just eat a lot, haha.) so I had a bowl of cereal and apple since I don’t have any bananas left. It wasn’t as good as usual : (



I packed up a salmon sandwich (yes, it tasted as weird as it sounds but I’m out of turkey, hummus, and pb!) with an orange and some cupola clouds. I wasn’t satisfied with this at all and was so tempted to buy some chocolate covered pretzels but I have been way overdoing it in the sweets department lately due to all my stress-eating, so I settled on a bowl of fruit instead.




My snack was definitely satisfying though and made the rest of the day’s food not even matter! PB Cookie Larabar is like a drug to me. I love it that much.


Today was basically my last day of classes in my undergraduate career. Officially the last day in on Monday but we are having an exam in my Game Theory class so I don’t really consider it a class. It’s a pretty bizarre feeling knowing that graduation is right around the corner. I can’t believe I’m about to become a grown-up, haha.

Tonight will be busy and fun. I have an induction ceremony for the International Relations Honors Society to go to this evening, and then there is a “date night” for my sorority which starts at 10. It’s going to be a late night! I had a little too much fun drinking this past weekend and Saturday is our “Spring Fling” concert where there will be festivities all day so I think I’m going to take it easy tonight and just go and hang out but not drink. Plus, I’ve been to this place before and $16 a drink is just not in my budget right now–I’d rather spend that at Whole Foods! Haha.

Hope you’re all having a good day—it’s almost Friday!!


I know I just posted but you absolutely MUST see what just turned today from the worst day to the best. day. ever.

So I got to the point where I was so frustrated with my paper that I was ready to throw my computer out the window, which I knew I would instantly regret. Sooooo, I decided to do the 2nd best thing and go take a quick walk around the block to clear my head. When I came back I saw a package waiting for me.

What did I see when I opened it up?


Yes, indeed. I have been blessed by the Fairy Godmother of the blogworld: Miss VeggieGirl herself. I was so beyond excited because I have seen how tantalizing her baked goods always look and how much everyone raves about them.

I literally bounded up the steps to open up my Raisin-Pear Spread Blondies.



I’m not kidding, these are amazing. Probably one of the best baked goods I have ever had. They just tasted so fresh! They were so sweet and gooey on the bottom and the perfect consistency that they were easy to eat. I can’t even describe how in love with them I am. THANK YOU SO MUCH VG! I might have even gone back for a second one! 

This improved my day 100% and now I’m ready to go back to work and finally finish this paper so that I can go out for my friends’ birthday dinner and really enjoy myself. Hope you all have a great day too (even though there is no way it can possibly be as good as mine because you don’t have these blondies! Ahahah). LOVE YOU!


Don’t worry guys—I’m still alive, just SUPER busy! It’s that time of the semester–you know. The end is so close and I can practically smell graduation, so I just have to keep pushing through even though it’s going to be stress, stress, stress for the next week or so. The good news is that my crazy hard paper is due tomorrow! The bad news is that my paper is due tomorrow!!! EEEK, I still have a lot of work to do on it. I’ve put in so much time and research into this assignment but it just hasn’t turned out to be the high caliber work that I’m used to producing. Oh, well, at this point I’m ready to just be done with it!

My week was definitely made better when I received a great package from Stephanie at Cupuladua Ovens sent me some samples to try. Both the sweet cookies and savory clouds are made with all natural ingredients with a base of garbanzo bean flour and egg whites, with no refined sugar, artificial preservatives, or oils, making a healthy snack that you can feel really good about eating.

Stephanie sent me 2 types of cookies: Chai Pistachio and Chocolate Cashew and 2 clouds: Smoked Gouda and Parmesan Peppercorn. 



They’re great—“clouds” is a perfect description because they really melt in your mouth and are as light as air. The Clouds would be great crumpled over a salad or soup, and the Cookies are perfect for an after dinner snack because they are slightly sweet, light, and only 10-11 calories per cookie!

Thanks so much Stephanie, these were great! Definitely check out the website because there is a lot of information, including suggested beverages to enjoy with these treats!

I wish I could stay and chat but unfortunately I have to get back to work! I’ll be back as soon as I get a minute to breathe!

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April 2009
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